I’m Sorry Has its Shortcomings

After a tragic event, the common and polite response is to say, I’m so sorry.  Good intentions, but is it helpful?

Sharing in another’s sorrowful situation is sound and Scriptural. Weep with those who weep.

Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Romans 12:15

Company can be soothing in itself. While the power of presence is most important, we often fumble when opening our mouths. Have you walked away from a person in pain wondering what else could be said? Although I’m sorry demonstrates you care, there must be more to offer than adding sympathy to their sorrowing hearts. I’m sorry seems to be left dangling on a string in dead air. 

 Dousing sorry into a heart inflamed with sorrow may sound empathetic, but is actually more sympathetic. Sympathy says poor you and places you both into sorrow’s pool. Empathy says I feel for you because I’ve swam in this sad sea too. However, why argue about the difference in definition when neither offer deliverance from pain! 

After years of counseling grieving people I’ve discovered a secret. If they hear one more I’m sorry they shy away and avoid conversation. The reason isn’t because they hate you, but they despise being looked upon as pitiful. It strikes the nerve of their strength and dignity to cope. 

I too personally cringe whenever I hear well-being people propose condolences by solidifying sadness. Before you call this extremism or out of line with social etiquette, prove me wrong by Scripture. 

The purpose for highlighting a seemingly small detail is due to a sensitivity to words. Words fly around like mosquitos. Sucking life out of people and possibly injecting disease. Words also produce life as well as death. Life renews and lifts up the soul bent in sadness. It doesn’t bow down and say, just stay there, oh you poor thing. Which side of the spectrum would you like to align your mouth with?

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. Proverbs 18:21

The Word

Let’s go to the expert on words. Yes, you got it, Jesus the Word of God. He is more concerned about hearts broken by hardship than any human. An example worth examining comes fresh out of the tomb. After being crucified, He decides to take a walk along the road to Emmaus. Why? To deliver a couple from sadness. 

Before Jesus appeared, He observed their conversation.  Reason was their only guide, for faith was not yet found. They debated, questioned as anyone would during this time. However, reason has its limits. It’s all talk as it proudly roams the brain on dead end streets. Going only so far, intellect lacks insight. Talking in circles, carnal knowledge is unable to comprehend spiritual matters. Only Christ can bring remedy to a mind struggling and lonely in reason. 

And, behold, two of them went that same day to a village called Emmaus, which was from Jerusalem about threescore furlongs. And they talked together of all these things which had happened. And it came to pass, that, while they communed together and “reasoned”, Jesus himself drew near, and went with them. But their eyes were holden that they should not know him. Luke 24:13-16 (emphasis, mine)

Compassion beckoned Jesus to clear up this couple’s confusion. Drawn to their gloomy condition, Jesus inquired why their countenance was sad. Obviously, He knew the answer, but it would springboard attention to their own feelings. 

And he said unto them, What manner of communications are these that ye have one to another, as ye walk, and are “sad”? Luke 24:17 (emphasis, mine)

They discussed His death while unaware this stranger took care of its sting. Therefore catching them up to speed, Jesus explained the events leading up to His sacrifice. After breaking bread, the couple’s eyes of understanding opened. Reason gave way to faith. Recognizing it was Jesus before He vanished, their hearts burned within. 

And the one of them, whose name was Cleopas, answering said unto him, Art thou only a stranger in Jerusalem, and hast not known the things which are come to pass there in these days? Luke 24:18

And beginning at Moses and all the prophets he expounded, unto them in all the scriptures the things concerning himself. Luke 24:27

And it came to pass, as he sat at meat with them, he took bread, and blessed it, and brake, and gave to them. And their eyes were opened, and they knew him, and he vanished out of their sight. And they said one to another, Did not our heart burn within us, while he talked with us by the way, and while he opened to us the scriptures? Luke 24:30-32

Burning a New Connection

Do you think they burned with sorrow? Not a chance. Hot flames from the Father’s throne began blasting out unbelief. Purifying and empowering, this encounter with Jesus transformed them. Burning a new connection with the Father, their direction changed. Severing their hearts from grief and onto their Savior, sadness disappeared. Guiding was Christ, not the spirit of heaviness. Their faces were no longer grim, but now beheld the glory of the risen Christ! Always remember, grief is rooted in the spirit of death. It makes one confused, faint, weak and feeble. Whereas, the Holy Spirit provides life, making one strong, whole, and with a sound mind.  What power lies in the Word of Christ, my friend.

But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord. 2 Corinthians 3:18

Arise, shine, for thy light is come, and the glory of the LORD is risen upon thee. Isaiah 60:1

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified. Isaiah 61:3

Connect the Dots

 Now connect the dots of your grievous situation to death. Dare not stop or stay there. Follow the Son of God. He carried this very pain to the cross. Remember how Jesus shed blood dripping tears on behalf of your sin and sadness. Therefore, the grim reaper shouldn’t be painting your face. Christ Jesus who bore your grief, now gives you joy.  With joy comes a different attitude. Optimism. After the Word burrows this truth into your soul, the mouth will share God’s wisdom. Now you are ready to address another’s sadness. 

Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.Isaiah 53:4

What Do I Say?

 This brings us back to the I’m sorry statement. What words can perform and release pain? You no longer have to feel helpless when people are hurting. Offer them a cup of truth. Escaping the spirit of sorrow requires drinking in saving grace. Show them your concern by taking them down the road to Emmaus. Jesus demonstrated a perfect example. Luke says He explained the scriptures concerning Himself. Here’s your liberating answer for those who suffer. 

Then he said unto them, O fools, and slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken: Ought not Christ to have suffered these things, and to enter into his glory? And beginning at Moses and all the prophets, he expounded unto them in all the scriptures the things concerning himself. Luke 24:25-27

Share who the Savior really is and what He has done about their anguish. Not only did He suffer in sorrow, but destroyed this spirit.  Jesus didn’t say, “I’m sorry” as He walked on the road to Emmaus, but His presence and power granted emotional deliverance. So, why journey without Him and tread through needless miles in sadness?